Saturday, November 15, 2008

Ramblings...

Private Blog update: I've decided NOT to take my blog private for now. True...there are scary stories that are on the news about such things but I'm not too worried. I'd like people to keep reading my blog and maybe some old friend will stumble across it. This is MY blog. These are MY feelings. These are the events of MY cute little family. I've never been one to keep my feelings tucked inside me and I love that I have this blog to share some of them with those who read it. I promise that what you read here is real and that I'm soooo not the kind of person that would write a post to "flaunt" anything. I really do promise you that.

I'm not a perfect person. I do not pretend to be. I can't. I don't have it in me...too exhausting. I know that there are choices that I've made in my life that some don't understand or don't agree with. That's ok with me. I would never get upset with someone for telling me that they don't understand and that it isn't the choice they'd make for themselves. What's not ok with me is to be judged for those choices or automatically assume that I would not be respectful to the things that others believe in. I have made MAJOR changes in myself and I have realized over the last little while how many people think they know me but don't (not anymore). I have done some major soul searching and changing over the last couple of years. I've grown leaps and bounds and, yea, it makes me sad that there are some that don't know that about me. Thanks to those who have.

Things are confusing for me sometimes regarding religion. They always have been. I just don't understand why there are so many that are judgemental about it. It drives me crazy when people say they believe in Christ and then don't treat others like they believe. No one is perfect, I know that but it's time that people who say they are true Christians treat others the way that Christ would. I know that if Christ were here on earth right now he'd want to help me understand. He's be loving and kind and love me for who I am!

I'm not going to hide the fact that I am struggling with religion. It might be embarassing to some but if you are there are other blogs to read. I'm tired of feeling alone on this issue. I want to go to church and not feel like I'm an outsider because I don't believe or understand as much as the one who pretends to. I'm tired of pretending. I CAN'T be the only one who struggles. I don't understand why more members won't talk about it. Let's start being REAL!! I want to be happy. I can't be if I'm pretending to be something I'm not. No more pressure to be the perfect wife, mother, baker, crafter, have perfect children, have a spotless home, etc.

The truth is my house is NOT spotless. The only reason we have clean bathrooms is because my stud of a husband cleans those every Saturday. There is ALWAYS laundry on my couches. My kids are little turds sometimes. Sometimes I don't want to be a mom or a wife or an employee. Sometimes I want to run away from it all. I don't like to cook anymore. I HATE baking. I don't pay our bills on-time. I am full of faults just like everyone else on this planet. BUT...
I am a daughter of GOD. I know that He loves me and if there was just ONE thing I would want everyone to feel it's that feeling. I have an amazing husband. I do! He does so much for our family. He does more than most men would EVER think about doing. He lets me have the remote. He LOVES me unconditionally. I am so lucky. His parents raised a GREAT son. I am talented. I LOVE to help others. It's what makes me happy. There is truly nothing I wouldn't do for someone. Ok...there is but you get the idea. I am NOT worthless. Just because I choose something that someone else wouldn't doesn't mean that I am a bad, worthless, damned soul.

God is the only one who can judge our actions. He knows us the best. He knows our hearts. It's time to stop the judging and start the loving and accepting. I thank those who haven't been afraid to ask me about things. I am NOT a scary person. I am open and honest and I don't care who knows it. Maybe some stranger will be reading this and they will know THEY are not alone.

Thanks for reading. I promise that all posts won't be this long or this "deep".

4 comments:

Michelle said...

Thanks for the deep post! It is all so true. I have also learned that I am not a bad person because I don't like to cook or clean. That spending time with my family is more important than getting the dishes done or the floors vacuumed. The memories I make with my boys is what they will remember. My amazing husband also is why we have clean bathrooms. Gotta love it! We all struggle with our own things and that is what makes us who we are and helps us grow.

The Sutton Family said...

I'm certainly not the perfect mom, wife, etc. You lived with me for a while, so you KNOW! I'm glad that you are happy. That's important. I've gone through times of wondering and thinking and my conclusion was to keep attending church and just be the best I can be. I don't condemn you for not going. I don't know all you've gone through, and like I've told you before, only YOU knows what's best for YOU. You know there are others in our family who don't attend church and I LOVE THEM, possibly more than those who act "holier than thou", if you know what I mean. Anyway...church or no church, I love ya, and I always will! :)

Aubrey Garff said...

I love you Tami. Like you said if Christ were on the earth today her would want to help all of us understand. None of us are perfect. I was crying to myself in front of my kids the other day that I didn't know what made me think I could be a mom, it's too hard. The truth is we are all being refined. You are an amazing person. Everyday I watched you do so many things that I could never accomplish. You are a powerful woman and I think people are afraid of that. You know, my philosophy is "friends are the family you choose." and as far as I'm concerned you are my family.

Aubrey Garff said...

I meant he, not her...ha!

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